Just For Today, I Will
Not Worry
“Worry is not
preparation." ~ Mark Twain
Fear,
like anger, has a purpose. When we
are in danger, fear focuses our attention and energizes the parts of us
necessary to defend ourselves.
Fear helps us to run faster, fight harder, see more clearly and
survive. In a healthy system, when
the danger has passed, the fear is discharged from the body and we return to a
neutral state.
Unresolved
trauma, however, particularly trauma where we’re unable to act in our own
behalf, results in a lingering state of hyperarousal. The system is always on high alert, energized to defend
itself against a danger that is not happening in the present moment. It creates a free-floating globule of
anxiety waiting to attach itself to any host, and is a futile misuse of our
resources.
To
worry is an expression of powerlessness. It is a byproduct of dissociation and
the attendant feeling of helpless inability to directly affect our
environment. It is the charged
remains of past overwhelm, a backlog of unspent energy in the nervous system
trying to find a way out.
It
is important to be aware that this particular expression of fear never resolves
into relief, but instead transfers endlessly from host to host. When one supposed cause of worry is
taken care of, we simply drop down to the next item on the menu and proceed to
gnaw on that, the way a dog worries a bone.
Try
noticing your inner dialogue for a while and see how much of
it relates to what is actually happening in the present moment. Research suggests that of the 12,000 to
50,000 thoughts
we have per day, over 95 percent of those thoughts are repetitive, recycled,
and completely unoriginal. Equally
striking is that 70 to 80 percent of those thoughts are negative.
What
this means is that we worry, almost all the time, and we worry about the same
things over and over. Tenzin
Wangyal Rinpoche, when a student said they had no time to meditate, responded,
“You have time to worry.” And we
do. We are experts. We can worry while driving a car,
making love, balancing our checkbook, or eating lunch. It is a skill so finely honed, it feels
like our nature. But it’s not.
If
we had the technology to take a picture of what happens to our energy when we
worry, it would look like we were hemorrhaging. You’ve probably heard the expression that worrying is like
praying for what you don’t want.
Energy follows attention, so by persistently energizing imagined
disaster and peril, we effectively create a world where we prove ourselves
right. “You see, I knew that was going to happen!” What little life force we have left then needs to be
directed at dealing with the crisis that we ourselves have created. What would it be like to take even half
of that power back?
When
we worry, our attention leaves the body and the present moment. This is very anxiety producing because
it means there is no one driving the bus; we’re on auto pilot and that’s not
safe for any extended period of time.
Because of our unresolved trauma, our nervous systems are trained to
look outside of ourselves for solutions. The anxiety then gets translated into
something to worry about, and the cycle persists.
The
surest way to calm yourself down is to pay attention to how your body feels.
This sends the signal that your awareness is where it should be, and the system
comes off high alert. Unresolved
trauma will try to convince you that in order to feel better you need to do
something about what you’re worrying about, but most of the time nothing is
happening in the present moment, so you have absolutely no agency to effectively
make change.
The
antidote to worry is presence. As
you explore this principal, it’s important to notice where your attention
is. Trying to control your
thoughts is pointless and exhausting, and you usually end up worried about the
fact that you’re failing at not worrying.
Instead, if you realize you’re worrying – which isn’t hard because it’s
happening most of the time – try paying attention to how that makes your body
feel. Is your stomach in
knots? Does your vision
change? What happens to your
appetite for food or sex?
Once
your awareness is located in your body, don’t consciously try to change
anything, just bring reiki and your breath into the places you feel are
impacted by your thoughts and notice what happens. Out of habit, your awareness
will keep moving outside to worry, but if you keep gently bringing it back to
the body sensation, keep breathing into it, and keep introducing reiki, in time
this habit will change. The breath, awareness and body sensation working
together under the auspices of the reiki will gradually dispel the anxiety.
Every
minute you spend doing this instead of letting your worry waltz you out the
door, you are redesigning your energy anatomy to hold you and keep you
safe. The less you worry, the less
you have to worry about. Making
conscious choices about where you place your attention is one of the most
commanding tools available to you.
You’re the one giving your power away. If you want it back, all you have to do is name that it’s
yours.
